"You're already home where you feel love." -The Head and the Heart

I suck with goodbyes. I just hate that 'moving on' time when you know people aren't going to be a part of your life anymore. That being said, I have also put off writing this because, besides updates on my project, I know it will be my last one and I have a lot to say.

The goodbyes from my friends and host family were hard, but not as hard as the ones made at school. I hope to visit my friends from the states soon and my host family, well they are so connected with the US that I know I will eventually see them again. However, I may never see any of the boys at school for a number of reasons. They may not enroll again, they will grow up or be in different places, or I will never visit Udaipur again. Who knows?

The morning of my last day I bought gulab jamin (my favorite sweet) for all the teachers and staff. They then told me they were so sorry to see me go but would remember me every time they heard the expression "oh boy" which I used a lot (in response to some of their ridiculous questions).... Or whenever they ate gulab jamin again at school haha. I had mixed emotions about saying bye to some. I don't think I would miss a couple of their remarks to me haha.

After the teachers left, I got to say my goodbyes to the boys. Most were still at home for the rahki holiday so that almost made things easier. 

Dm and Bhavesh, the two older ones who can speak the best English, told me that they would be sad all day. As I was making my final rounds to say bye I had about 5 boys following me around, either holding on to my hands or my elbows or the tail of my scarf. It was a nice send off. I felt super loved. I guess I now know how Virenji feels when they walk around with him like that. Bhavesh even said as I was walking towards the gate, "You will never leave this place because you will be in our hearts." Those were the sweetest words he could have given me.

Little Amrit was by the gate playing cricket and he stopped to come say bye. He almost cried, but instead I started singing "twinkle twinkle little star" and he sang along with me. I had taught all the boys that song the week before and he sang it to me every time he walked by. I figured that would be a good way to say bye to him. 

The boys opened the gate for me and, one by one, they finally let go of my hands. From there I walked a few streets over to Jamila's house.  I was able to say bye to her, Alifiya, and Mustafa which was really hard as well becuase I came to love that family with all my heart. The last goodbye I made was to the cook named Pinkie.  I came to her house and met pretty much her entire extended family. She cried, kissed me on both cheeks, hugged me forty times, gave me a coconut, and then put her bindi on my forehead. It was a lovely last visit with her.

I won't type out every other detail of the end of my trip. There were last minute things, of course, but they don't matter much. Except.... My taxi man to the airport was 30 min late and I thought I was going to miss my flight... Again. But that was the only real memorable thing.

As I'm flying back now, on the airplane from London to Chicago, I think I'm trying to process how I'm going to deal with everything. Everything I have experienced, seen, and learned will no doubt make differences in my normal life. I just don't know how yet. I am much more concerned that after spending lots of time in comfortable America again, I will forget the worldview I learned while being here. That would be a terrible loss. I don't want to take for granted things I am given freely. Or not so freely. I have learned that even if things come with a price, that still doesn't mean you get them after you've paid it. 

I have decided that my project for the boys will really begin now. In India, I could only speak a little bit of Hindi. I didn't know the culture. There wasn't much I could do besides love them, and thankfully I came in with that understanding. However, now is the time I know I can make a difference. I have to give a presentation to my college about this trip and in it, I will address the needs of the school and ask for help. I have many statistics, numbers, and project ideas written down that they require, but I think for now I will try to narrow my goals down to specific tasks. Like money for a headmaster so the teachers will be motivated to even go to class and students won't be sitting there wasting time. Or a hostel for girls so that blind village girls can get an education along with the village boys. I know that if I can share these stories with people, that there will be action. I plan on making a video of my trip as well that will no doubt end up in my presentation... And on Facebook probably. 

I realize this may sound a lot about money, but there is something I have learned. There are already people India who are better equipped, qualified, and able to do the tasks that I would want to undertake myself. It is not that I need to become someone who fixes things in the school, but instead my role would be to empower and finance those who can. So even though my time in India is over, this is the project that I have promised to overtake for the next year. If you are reading this, I would ask that you talk with me about it. Help me. Support me. But most of all pray for me that this will be something that works out and I can do. I look forward to everything this will mean and can't wait to see how people back home will respond to all my stories and ideas. 

So... To wrap it all up, I knew the second the wheels touched off the ground at Mumbai that I would miss this place and its people. I am now friends with individuals on the exact opposite side of the world. I can speak tori tori (a little) Hindi. I can take bucket baths. I can wrap a sari. I can chase down monkeys, barter with rickshaw wallas, and make chapatis. I have changed a lot and have grown in both confidence and experience. But above all, I have grown in love. That has been the best gift of all. I eagerly await the next time I will set foot on India soil. Until then, all my love. -Morgan <3

"Countries are different, but people are the same."-Miss Jamila

I have three days left after tonight. Part of me is excited. I know I'll be happy to return home to everyone I love and care about.... my homesickness has showed itself recently. Granted, I've been sick for the better part of the day. Being sick in India is not fun, especially when your friends drag u hiking... up to a temple... on a mountain...above all of Udaipur. Haha.

Despite all that, I will be so so so sad to leave at the same time. I almost feel like an entirely different person here. I mean my idea of what is important and what is not has changed. I have realized that back home, I've taken loads for granted. My worldview was skewed. Like how crazy is it that in America I can drink water from the sink, and that blind children are given tools for success, and that I never have to worry seriously about my safety after 9pm in my own neighborhood?

 There are people here I care about so much... My boys at school, my indian friends, Alyssa, Hisa, Jeselene, and the Sareen's. I think a little bit of myself wants to stay here in India with them forever. I didn't know them a month ago and it's crazy to think how important they have become to me in such a little time period. India has been everything I hoped it would be. I wish I could tell you all the differences it has made on me, but I probably haven't realized them all myself. I have learned the value of people, kindness, and toilet paper. I am less concerned about what is thought about me, and more focused on what makes me happy and passionate about life. 

Yesterday I made chapatis with the cooks at school (tortillas essentially). I made 40! It was awesome and super hard. The lady who was teaching me was making this gorgeous, perfectly round chapati and mine could barely even be called a circle. Haha! I got better though, as time went on. The cooks are great, and while I was sitting in there with them laughing about my horrible Indian cooking skills, one of the boys was sitting in there translating for me. His name is too complicated for me to say in everyday conversation, so he let's me call him DM. I don't have favorites at the school, but if I did he would be one of them.

Out of nowhere while he was translating for me he said, "Morgan didi, I feel like your life is like a movie." I froze from all chapati making and stared at him. If you've read any of my earlier blogs you will understand why. He added, "We are all characters in it. Then you will go to America..... Its a good movie. I will remember it always, until I'm old."

Seriously, that is what he told me. My mouth just hung open until one of the cooks fussed at me for taking too long. I thanked him and told him how much I will miss everyone at school. So much affirmation about my trip to India was given to me by what DM said. The fact that I could have any impact on his life whatsoever, even as just a friend who knew him for some time, that means the world to me. It makes me smile now, just typing it.

This morning there was the Rakhi ceremony at school. Hisa went with me and helped me tie one on every boy's hand. It was really special to me. Idk, its ironic to think that all the boys have called me didi (sister) and then a holiday celebrating brothers and sisters would happen at the end of my time with them. I'm blessed. So blessed indeed.

Tomorrow I will say my goodbyes at school and then I will have the weekend to pack/relax/last minute frantic shop for gifts. I will probably write one more thing on here before I head home. Until then <3